The quiet fears that shape your violin practice

We’ve all had them. Moments of great despair. Immense worry. Paralyzing stage fright.

And yet… And yet.

What if I were to tell you that such intense moments are not the most dangerous ones?

Intense fear has one advantage: it’s very noticeable. It screams. It stands out against everything else and makes itself as clear as that memory slip at your graduation recital.

On the other hand, the more subtle worries—the violin practice fears that seem harmless, that tint your mind ever so slightly while practicing or throughout the day, the ones that seem so easy to forget, the ones you can turn your attention from—those worries are the most dangerous ones.

Those are the fears that, by their very subtlety, poison your meal without you noticing.

They have a phenomenal ability to masquerade themselves, imposing their presence with a chameleonesque silence.

They also possess a talent of immense power, a rare skill, a superpower even:

The ability to be ignored.

And soon enough, they infiltrate your operating system and become an integral part of it.

That shadow of a thought when you open your violin case. The one that, when you look at your violin, sounds a bit like “You’re not there yet.”

“You have a long way to go.”

“Not good enough.”

The one that hints at your past failures, and by doing so, pulls the focus away from music and brings it to your performance. 

It’s so quick and subtle—and perhaps even omnipresent—that you don’t notice it anymore.

You think you can shut it off just by thinking of something else, or by focusing on something specific.

But no. It stays there. 

Its disappearance from your attention is not necessarily its disappearance from you.

So next time stage fright announces itself in full force, take some comfort in the fact that you know exactly what you’re dealing with.

There is something reassuring about fear when it screams. You know it’s there, and you know its nature. 

A mosquito disguised as a monster.

The real threat is the monster disguised as a mosquito.